sharing the love

According to the OB/GYN's calculations, today HotMomma is officially 36 weeks pregnant with Z-Jay. It's amazing how time has flown by over the past few months. In less than a month we're going to be parents to two kids. We'll be a family of four, plus a dog. If you asked me 10 years ago about how my life would be in 2008, I would have never imagined this. But it has been awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Recently, after tucking Z-Dub in for the night, I found HotMomma in bed and teary-eyed. She was very sad. Sad because she can't imagine how she is going to share the love she has for Z-Dub with another child. It makes her sad to think that attention will be taken away from Z-Dub and placed on another soul. She doesn't want him to feel as though he's been cast aside because his newborn brother will require an enormous amount of care and attention. She expressed her fear of failing to balance the love and attention between the two of them.

At first this struck me as odd. Of course, being a twin I've never experienced what it was like to be an only child and the center of attention. I never had the advantage of being the oldest or the youngest. I was always part of a pair. I spent my entire life sharing, both material possessions as well as the love of parents and family.

But more recently HotMomma got me thinking. While I, like HotMomma, am joyous about the new addition to our family, I too now share in her fears. As Z-Dub and I played with his train set in his room last night I wondered how I'm going to be able to give equal attention to this beautiful little boy and to Z-Jay, who I expect to be equally beautiful. I keep telling myself that many families go through this and they make it work. My parents obviously had the challenge of balancing it between two children from the very start. I think I turned out okay. But I will admit sometimes, deep down inside, I do have some slight resentment over being dressed the same as my brother and having to share many, but not all, gifts given for birthdays and Christmas when we were really young. I know, that probably sounds selfish.

So how do families cope with bringing a second child home? Some people have offered advice, including making Z-Dub an active participant in caring for Z-Jay. He likes to help, so let him. Another piece of advice that really makes a lot of sense to me is when both children are upset and/or crying because of something non life threatening, tend to the older one first. This is because the older child retains memories. If you're constantly tending to the new baby first the older child will sense that he's not as important.

I think another important thing to do is to show your child how much you love him/her by saying it each and every day.

What other advice do you parents of multiple children have to offer?