a vegasdad rant

Why, oh, why does Z-Dub all of a sudden not want to sleep at night? I'm not kidding when I say he gets out of bed a minimum of 15 times a night for various reasons. This has been going on for about two weeks now and it's annoying the crap out of me. We've tried preventing him from napping during the day. We've even tried keeping him up later in the evening. All of our approaches to resolve this new bedtime ritual have failed miserably. It's frickin' annoying. It's interrupting "Daddy and Mommy time."

Now, changing the subject completely, why would Discovery Channel think it's smart to air "Shark Week" in the middle of summer when throngs of vacationers are visiting beaches across the country? Talk about scaring us out of the water. Luckily, we're in Las Vegas and the only real scary creatures at our beaches -- sand bottom hotel/resort pools -- are overweight, old and hairy Eurotourists who think it's fashionable to wear speedos. Having one of them bend over in front of you can cause severe illness and possibly death. That's why we prefer the more private pool cabanas. They also make us feel like rock stars.

Finally, I'm annoyed with myself for not finding more time to update this blog. A lot of it has to do with my hectic schedule lately. Also, the kids have been wacko lately. Now that The Deuce is mobile, it seems that all we do is try to prevent him from hurting himself. Speaking of The Deuce, he has one voracious appetite. I thought Z-Dub was going to eat us to the poor house, but we're quickly realizing that our more plump infant is even more of a pig. It's no wonder he's only 14 lbs. lighter than his three-year-old brother.

That's all.

broken bone(r)

I went into the bathroom to check on Z-Dub. He had been finishing up his shower and playing with his Little Einsteins figurines a couple of minutes earlier. I walked in, pulled back the curtain and found him carefully examining his errr...naughty bits. "what are you doing?" I inquired.

"My pee pee is broken," he proclaimed. "I need a new one."

With a bewildered tone I asked "Why is your pee pee broken?"

"It's not up anymore," he replied.

All I could think about was the fact that he's only two, almost three, and the "the talk" appears to be just around the corner.

get tugged for a $1000

No, I'm not offering any services. It's actually an offer on a billboard off I-215 in Las Vegas. I've mentioned before in written descriptions of my blog about balancing family life in the land of sexy billboards. It seems lately that the balancing act is becoming more difficult as new and very explicit billboards have popped up all over town. One porn company in particular has several billboards along the freeway offering cash to "get tugged," "co-star," "show us your package," etc. You get the picture.

I'm so not looking forward to the day when Z-Dub and The Deuce learn to read. I can already imagine the conversations in the car...

"Daddy, that girl on the sign has her hands in that guy's pants. What does it mean to 'get tugged'?"

"Oh, I think they're going to have a tug-war-competition. That girl is just making sure the guy's pants are buttoned, so they don't fall off during the competition."

"I want to get paid $1,000 to pay tug-of-war. I'm good at that game."

"Not today son."

or

"Look daddy, they'll pay you $1,000 to show them your packages. I have a package in the back of the car. We should show them and make some money."

"I don't think think your package is big enough...yet."

Here are some of the many signs.

I'll also have to explain what a gentleman's club is.

Raising a family in Vegas is interesting.

P.S. - I didn't doctor the photos to remove the phone number, so I guess feel free to call and make arrangements to "get tugged," if that's your thing or if you need the money. These are tough times, yo.