prick!

I hate needles. I hate needles. I hate needles. I hate needles. Yep, I hate needles. You get the picture. And tomorrow I have to get blood drawn for a series of diagnostic tests. Needless to say, I'm freakin' the f%*k out in anticipation. I'm such a wimp.

This is going to be way more difficult than getting my dangling bits groped by the male doctor and an ultrasound tech. There are six things that may happen at 9 a.m. tomorrow...

1. I may throw up.
2. I may pass out.
3. I may (unintentionally) smack the nurse.
4. I may run away while screaming like a girlie b#tch.
5. I may cry.

or, finally...

6. I can man up and take a prick without causing a scene.

Let's hope No. 6 happens, otherwise it's going to be embarrassing. I wonder if they charge more for Nos. 1 through 5?

of doctors, dangling bits and humiliation

Today is a day I've been dreading for the past two weeks. In about one hour I'll go in for another in a series of recent doctor appointments where, for the first time ever, I'll be forced to endure a rather humiliating diagnostic examination. And, no, it's not a prostate exam, if that's what you're thinking. Besides, I'm not that old yet. Instead, this examination will involve a tool usually used to view a baby in its mother's womb and my dangling bits. As if the doctor's recent hand job hand examination wasn't already humiliating enough. Just my luck the person conducting the examination will be a woman...err...or a man. Holy crap, neither would be ideal!

I think the anxiety has to do with the fact that I don't know what to expect. Will I have to get completely naked? Will I lay down on a table or will I be standing? What if it hurts? What if it feels good!?!

I don't know why I'm so freaked out about this. If you think about it, the ladies have to go through yearly examinations that would be considered much more invasive. I'd hate to be violated in such a way every single year. I was happy with my once-in-a-few-years visits to the doctor. I guess this is part of "growing up."

Anyways, who knows what this examination will find and ultimately diagnose. I will tell you that I wouldn't be putting myself through this torture if there wasn't concern.

On a lighter note, Z-Dub is feeling much better. Now that he can eat, he's doing so like a pig. I'm sure he'll regain his lost weight in no time. Thanks to everyone for your continued well wishes. He, and we, appreciate it.

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Finally, I started out strong in Nickelodeon's ParentsConnect "Best Las Vegas Local Blog" voting, but the momentum has slowed down. Now I'm in last place. So, if you have time, please vote. You're allowed one vote per day. Thanks!

broken bone(r)

I went into the bathroom to check on Z-Dub. He had been finishing up his shower and playing with his Little Einsteins figurines a couple of minutes earlier. I walked in, pulled back the curtain and found him carefully examining his errr...naughty bits. "what are you doing?" I inquired.

"My pee pee is broken," he proclaimed. "I need a new one."

With a bewildered tone I asked "Why is your pee pee broken?"

"It's not up anymore," he replied.

All I could think about was the fact that he's only two, almost three, and the "the talk" appears to be just around the corner.

bitter sweet rejuvenation

Yesterday we got our massages at Green Valley Ranch Resort & Spa as planned. It was great. The tension headache I've endured for the past week is finally gone and I feel good.

We arrived at the spa for our 5 p.m. rub downs a few minutes early. At check in I was informed that I was set up with a dude masseuse. HotMomma was paired with a female. I've never had a massage by a guy before, so I felt a little uneasy at first. The thought of a guy lubing up and rubbing my naked body down from head to toe was just weird. So much so that when I went back to the luxurious locker room to remove my clothing and sport a comfy robe, I actually kept my skivvies on. I felt like a weirdo going into the a massage with my boxers on. Kind of like a redneck that has no clue about spa etiquette.

Anyways, I'm so glad I had that dude massage me. I learned that a man's hands get the job done. It felt GOOD. Now, let the jokes begin.

As for HotMomma, she enjoyed her massage as well. However, afterwards she mentioned that she'd like a guy next time. Apparently the girl wasn't rough enough (again, let the jokes begin).

Everything was great until this morning though. That's when HotMomma realized that she accidentally left her necklace, a family heirloom, in the massage suite.She was freakin' out. Apparently she forgot to take it off in the women's locker room and the masseuse requested that she take it off in the suite. She set it on the counter and totally forgot. Now it's nowhere to be found. HotMomma has spoken to the manager of the spa and they're searching high and low for it. HotMomma is switching from anger to sulking this afternoon as she eagerly awaits a call that it's been found. Unfortunately, my guess is somebody swiped it. But a very classy place like that must do anything and everything to find it or do something to make up for it. Although, nothing of monetary value can replace the sentimental value of that necklace.

So much for my romantical plan. A lost necklace ruined everything. That and the fat naked guy I saw boiling in the men's hot tub. That was gross.

wordless wednesday: crack is whack

This is the view you get when you walk up the stairs behind a two-year-old with a severely wet and sagging diaper.

You're welcome.

Posting this is further proof that I don't deserve this.

pee, poo, milk, web traffic and snow

We're still struggling with potty training Z-Dub. He's two years and nine months old and he has absolutely no interest in using the porcelain thrown. He made that clear the other night as I was getting him ready for his shower.

Me: "Z-Dub, do you want to try and go pee pee or poo poo on the potty before your shower?"

Z-Dub: "No Daddy. I too little."

Me: "What do you mean you're too little? You're a big brother now."

Z-Dub: "No. Mommy go on the potty. Daddy go on the potty. [Z-Dub] too little."

I guess we'll have to wait until he's "bigger" before he finally decides to answer nature's call in a toilet.

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We have a mini refrigerator in our master bedroom. This is because it's incredibly dry here in the desert and we're thirsty a lot. It's a pain in the butt to go down stairs to get water in the middle of the night, so the refrigerator provides easy access to bottled water. We also keep a sippy cup of milk in there at night, just in case Z-Dub wakes up thirsty. Last night he did just that, except he decided that rather than waking us up he'd quietly wander out of his room and into ours, open the refrigerator, grab his milk, close the refrigerator door and head off back to bed. That was such a "big boy" thing to do.

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Finally, thanks to my snowy Las Vegas pictures this blog broke a traffic record yesterday. I got more hits on this blog by noon yesterday than I get for an entire week. This was all because of Google searches for "Vegas snow pictures." I checked and we were listed first in search results. Cool!

And speaking of snow, although much of it has melted in the Valley, our neighborhood in the foothills above Vegas is still covered in a thick white blanket of snow. I guess it's going to stick around for a few days for us.

it's done

Thank you to everyone that provided input as we decided whether to circumcise Z-Jay or leave him as nature intended. We considered all of the facts, debated them laboriously and came to our decision to proceed.

It happened this afternoon and it was without obvious complications.

Since we put him through this, I did the honorable thing and was with him in the room during the process. However, I did not watch. Instead, I held his little hand, gently caressed his head and kept eye contact with him during the entire procedure. He cried during the procedural preparations and the administering of local anesthesia, but was calm during the actually cutting. He paid back the doctor with a stream of pee, not once, but twice.

In the end, it looked good. Hopefully, the healing will be as painless as possible.

It's done. He now looks like his brother. Now gone with the anxiety.

to cut, or not to cut?

We've introduced a second son into the world and now we struggle with decision of whether to circumcise or not circumcise him. I know the practice of circumcision can stir contentious debate, so I expect a lot of passionate comments from both sides. Luckily, we're open to examining all of the "facts" before moving forward.

For the record, Z-Dub was circumcised in an Arizona hospital just a day after birth. It was performed by an experienced pediatrician and it was done before we took him home. It was great because the nurses and doctors were able to keep an eye on his naughty bit to make sure there was no infection and healing was progressing well. And thankfully, he had no adverse results from the ritual, or at least none that we know of.

Here in Nevada the insurance companies don't allow circumcisions to be performed in the hospital. Instead you have to take the baby to the doctor's office after being discharged. It's because of the greed of insurance companies. Performing the procedure in a doctor's office is far less expensive than doing it in a hospital. At least, that's what the folks at the hospital told me. Interestingly, there are a lot of insurance companies now not covering circumcisions as they are now classifying them as cosmetic and, therefore, not a medical necessity.

If we decide to move forward with circumcising Z-Jay we have to take him to his doctor in the next couple of weeks. Now that he's more than a week old we're having reservations about having it done. Will it be more traumatic at this later age? Is a doctor's office the right place for such a procedure? Does having the procedure at a doctor's office increase risks of infection or complications? And, is circumcision necessary? These are just a few questions we've struggled with. Unfortunately, we have to make a decision soon. We only have a month. If we wait longer, it's no longer a procedure the pediatrician can perform. Instead, it becomes a general surgery situation. It's sickening to think of it that way.

If we decide not to do it, will it be weird to have one son circumcised and the other not? Will the difference in appearance create body image issues later in life? We obviously can't answer these questions now, but they are issues we're concerned about.

HotMomma's sister was telling us about an acquaintance that got married to a guy that was not circumcised. She apparently was okay with his uncut tool until after the wedding. She was grossed out by it and demanded that he get a circumcision. And at the age of 28 he did just that. Of course, I think this guy's wife is incredibly selfish. She knew what she was getting. I can't believe the guy went through with it. I've heard of other people going through similar issues. We don't want Z-Jay to be subjected to the same thing. 

We have a lot of deliberating to do this holiday.

where's fall?

Here in Las Vegas normally Halloween, and the week heading up to it, is quite cool. I remember several years where it was down right cold. Apparently this year "Global Warming" has kicked into high gear. Check out this 10-day forecast:

After a long, hot summer we were eager for fall temperatures. I'm tired of wearing shorts and sandals. I want to wear a comfy sweater.

I know...quit complaining.

Also, I can't frickin' believe I just posted about the weather. My kid better do something funny soon.

Oh, that reminds me. Z-Dub did shock me the other day when I accidently left the dog out in the front yard for nearly an hour. I was calling out her name as I searched the house when suddenly Z-Dub blurted out "Where's that f%#kin' dog!"

I would never say anything like that. Where'd he learn it?

from the mouth of z-dub

After we were cut off by an idiot driver in the mall parking lot on Monday:

"Oh shit, Daddy. Oh shit."

After his cousin was finished watching Alvin and the Chipmunks on DVD on Sunday night:

"Okay, now we watch penguins!" I promise, it was funny. It was the tone. I guess you had to be there.

After letting out a loud fart tonight while playing with his trains:

"Yep, Daddy. I farted." He didn't wait for me to ask.

Last night in the bathtub and bending over with his butt in the air:

"Daddy, wash my butt crack."

Putting his new shoes on (the wrong feet, of course) last night:

"Look Daddy, I did it! Cool!" While clapping.

After HotMomma accidently spilled her drink on the dinner table late last week:

"Mommy! You spilled. You're bad. Go to time out. Right now!" While pointing over to his normal time out spot at the foot of the stairs.

This morning while I was getting him ready for school:

"Daddy, no school. I sick." Seriously, he's already trying to use the sick excuse.



Two year olds say the funniest stuff. I can't help but crack up.

tagged

It's been quite a while since I've been tagged. I guess I haven't been meme worthy lately. That is until yesterday when DCUrbanDad tagged me. And luckily it's an easy meme. The rules state:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write six random things about yourself
4. Tag six-ish people at the end of your post
5. Let each person know he/she has been tagged
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up

Now that the rules and regs are clear, here we go....

1. I hate ketchup. I find the taste to be repulsive.
2. I'm almost completely deaf in my left ear due to tumor in my head during childhood.
3. I shoplifted a squirt gun from a souvenir shop at Raging Waters when I was about 10 years old, but then felt guilty and discretely returned it.
4. I watched Project Runway with HotMomma last night.
5. Random clutter on the kitchen counter annoys the crap out of me.
6. There was a hole in the heel of my sock this morning, but I wore it anyways. I was too lazy to go find another matching pair in the laundry.

So there you have it.

Now, per the rules, I have to tag six-ish people. After careful consideration (random review of my blogroll), the chosen ones are:

Clark Kent's Lunchbox
Daddy Dan
Luke, I Am Your Father
The Tao of Gini
Zoe's Dad
Seriously, Shelly

Have fun :)

sunday morning training

Despite the help of Winnie the Pooh on television, a controlled defecation was not achieved this morning. But at least he tried.

He gave up about 10 minutes after this photo was captured. Five minutes later me soiled his pull-up diaper.

Baby steps...

*I sincerely apologize to Z-Dub for embarrassing him by posting a pooping picture, but I had nothing else to share this morning. We'll laugh about it later.

"you want a man touching you down there?"

I haven't been to a doctor for a routine physical exam in a long time. It's been at least ten years. Except for the occasional cold or flu, I've been pretty healthy in my adult life, so far. When you bring your car into the mechanic they always lift the hood and find something wrong. I view a physical exam the same way and, frankly, I don't want any bad news.

As I continue on my upward journey in age, I've realized that I need to finally muster up some courage and make an appointment for a thorough examination to make sure my body isn't headed in the wrong direction in terms of my health and well being. I wouldn't want a breakdown anytime in the near future.

Over the past couple of weeks I've browsed my insurance company's Web site for names of potential doctors and made several phone calls in an attempt to set an appointment. So far, I've reached two doctors that aren't accepting new patients right now and two others that don't have new patient appointments available until November.

During a post coital conversation with HotMomma last night, she questioned my inability to find a doctor. The answer, we concluded, is the fact that I'm only in search of a male doctor. And that opened up a whole can of worms. She thought my need for a male doctor was weird.

"Why would you want a guy examining your dangling bits," she asked amusingly. My reply, "I just want a man doctor. He knows my body and issues better than a female doctor."

"If I was a guy, I wouldn't want another guy touching me down there," she said.

I countered with, "your OB/GYN is a female and she touches you down there. And, up in there I might add."

"It's not the same," she said. "And as a guy, wouldn't you want a female doctor down there. She can be like, oh yeah. Nice!"

"Ummm. Hell no! That would just be weird," I replied.

"What? Are you afraid of getting aroused by the hand of a female doctor," she asked.

"Well, of course," I exclaimed.

"Oh, so you would be aroused by another woman........," she inquired.

And it went on until we went to sleep.

This morning I've been recalling the conversation. And I'm still steadfast in my search for a male doctor. I've never had a female doctor and I just feel more confortable with a male doctor, even if he's going to examine by "dangling bits." And when I'm over 40-years-old (thank goodness that's not for a while), I'm sure he'll be conducting a very invasive examination involving my rear end.

I don't know if I'm alone on this, so I ask you dads, do you prefer a male or female doctor? Ladies, also feel free to chime in on this one.

wouldn't you like to know?

Recently, Dan at DaddyDan.net contacted me to participate for his new Daddy Dan Interviews with mommy and daddy bloggers. And not being one to pass up an opportunity to talk about myself, I enthusiastically let loose and revealed a great deal about myself and family. The result was posted last night. Check it out. You may be wowed, amused or offended by my twisted psyche. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy.

And, thanks Dan!

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In other news, I woke up late this morning after hitting the snooze button not once, but three times. It's also the first day of school in Las Vegas so traffic was a bitch. Finally, I couldn't find my security badge for work, so when I arrived I had to wait for a co-worker to let me in the building.

Yep, it's definitely Monday.

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Updated at 8:40 a.m. - I just found out that somebody nominated me for the Hot Blogger Calendar!?!

I'm hot!?!

Only by being baked in the scortching Las Vegas sun!

I guess it's not such a bad Monday afterall. Since I'm nominated, if you'd like to vote for me, follow the link.



Here's me, along with HotMomma (now, she's hot!).











And, here's the link.

take what you want from it...

The winds of change are upon us. Although we Americans are in denial, we must be prepared to relinquish our position as the world's superpower. At least that's what the keynote speaker said at a conference I recently attended in Chicago.

I won't bore you with all of the details of his fast-paced, straight-forward and informative presentation, because frankly, it was too much information to share. I will tell you though that he scared the shit out of everyone in the room when he talked about our prospects of regaining American's prosperity in the next five to 20 years. Let's just say the world is changing at an extraordinary fast pace and because of mistakes made by our leaders, we're now lagging behind with very little chance in catching up with the rest of the developed and developing world. But at least the presenter was kind enough to offer some advice that will allow us to take action on an individual level to ensure our children will prosper, whether in America or some other country on the globe. I definitely took notes, and here are some highlights I'd like to share with you:

1. We MUST ensure our children are taught in home and throughout their education the importance of personal financial responsibility and security. A good FICO score is becoming increasingly important as employers are now starting to include it in their judging criteria in the hiring process. A low score may prevent them from landing a good, well-paying job.
2. In addition to English, our children MUST be fluent in one of the following languages: Mandarin, Arabic, Hindi and Japanese. Currently, 70 percent of the world's purchasing power is in countries where English is not the primary language and this rate is growing. Did you know that Dubai is poised to become the financial capital world in the next few years? The new mantra in New York and London is "Dubai, Mumbai, Shanghai or goodbye." In our local newspaper today there was an article about how Nevada lost 10,700 jobs to China between 2001 and 2007. America as a whole lost 2.3 million.
3. We should encourage our children to seek career opportunities in industries that are recession-proof, such as healthcare, security, education and energy. On the flipside, the industries most vulnerable to economic instability are manufacturing, finance, retail, technology, airline and luxury goods (we're seeing this now).
4. Our children MUST be taught the Metric System. It is now the global measurement standard with the U.S. as the only major hold out in making the switch. This is ridiculous!

Here's some other interesting things I learned from the presentation as it relates to the Internets and us bloggers (some of this you may already know):

• Every day 100,000 new blogs are created and 1.3 million posts are made.
• Postings intensify around significant events such as the conflict between Israel and Hezbollah. This indicates that blogging plays a critical role in debates about the important issues of our time. The impact bloggers have on our cultures and democracies is increasingly dramatic.
• The audience for podcasts in the U.S. will increase to 25 million by the end of this year, and 50 million by 2010.
• By 2010, 70 percent of internet content will be created by individuals as opposed to publishers and brands.
• The Internet is doubling in size every 120 days; more than 80 percent of sites that will exist a year from now, don’t exist today.
  

And finally, as it relates to how much information we must absorb, here's some interesting facts:

• It took approximately 50,000 years for humanity to acquire one unit of knowledge. It took 1,500 years to double that first knowledge base. By the early 1970s mankind was doubling knowledge every 6 years. Human knowledge is expected to be doubling every year by the year 2012.
• In 2006 technical information doubled every two weeks. By 2010 technical information is expected to double every 72 hours.
• By 2015, the power of an off-the-shelf computer will exceed the intelligence of a human being.
• In the year 2025, in a single week we will face the equivalent of all the milestones of the 20th century – world wars, creation of the automobile, sequencing of DNA, rise of the Internet, etc.

The presenter sited many experts when he presented these facts. Some of them seem a little far-fetched, while others seem very likely. Regardless of whether these come true or not, we're going to prepare Z-Dub so he doesn't get left behind in the Brave New World. His ass is going to college for sure!!! Also, I wonder how much an apartment in Dubai cost?

a sunday morning

It's 10 a.m. on Sunday and I'm sitting at the dinning table, enjoying a much needed cup of coffee. Z-Dub is watching Disney Playhouse programs and playing with his miniature Air Canada airplane we picked up for him in Montreal. HotMomma is working a four hour shift this morning and is due home just after noon. Z-Dub and I woke up less than an hour ago after an extremely rough night.  Fighting off a stomach illness, Z-Dub refused to sleep last night. We finally caved at around 1:30 a.m. and brought him into our bed where he finally fell into a deep sleep at around 2 a.m.

In contrast with yesterday's scorching 108F temperature, this morning the sky is gray with thunderstorm clouds. The wind is lashing the trees outside our windows in advance of the impending rain. Often the dry air prevents it from ever arriving. This time I hope it materializes and comes heavy. Our desert is in desperate need of some thirst-quenching water.

Though I don't feel like dealing with it all, on the agenda today is house cleaning and laundry. I'm sure after last night's sleep deprivation, HotMomma won't be in the mood for it either.  But we need clean underwear this week, so we'll have to overcome our laziness.

We're supposed to take Z-Dub to see Wall-E with some friends today. I don't think that's going to happen. He may be contagious.

Crap (literally), I have to go now. I hear Z-Dub's butt squirting AGAIN. Ugggg, I can smell it now!

a muddied weekend

POOP. Yep, I wrote it. This post is about poop. Actually, diarrhea is a more accurate term, but not as fun to say. I know I'm teetering in the area of "too much information," but who cares.

HotMomma and Z-Dub returned home from San Diego yesterday just before I returned from Chicago. Unfortunately, they both caught some kind of nasty stomach flu during their trip. Just in time for the weekend, today they both are suddenly dealing with some fast-flowing unpleasantries originating from their back ends. I hope to avoid the same infliction. But as parents, we all know too well how incredibly contagious these types of illnesses are. I'm not at all looking forward to being tethered to the porcelain throne this weekend or, worse yet, early next week when I have to return to work and a full agenda of meetings and projects. If there are "mudslides" I'll have to miss work and end up even more behind than I already am.

*My tummy is already feeling a little weird. I hope it's just psychological.

Along with the illness, Z-Dub is in a "crappy" mood. And, as you can imagine, with HotMomma 22 weeks pregnant and having to deal with this type of illness, she's in a very, very "shitty" mood. I'm sure if I was in her shoes, I'd have the same demeanor. Actually, I'd probably be worse, because I don't handle illness quite as adult like.