he said what?

Last night, as we were leaving a restaurant, Z-Dub blurts out "we drive in Mommy's dirty ass car." HotMomma and I were shocked, but at the same time, tried to hold back giggles as he repeated "Mommy, you have a dirty ass car."

He was instructed not to say that anymore, even though his observation of the state of Mommy's car was more than accurate.

Lessons learned: clean the car and watch your mouth around the little ones. They're like sponges.

can he be anymore excited?

I finally found time to download videos off the camcorder. Here's one of Z-Dub and his cousin Sukita as we were on the bus heading to the main gate of Disneyland.

happiness

As I was washing off some strawberries and blueberries for Z-Dub to eat for dessert last night...


Z-Dub: "Daddy, you happy?"

Me: "Huh, what did you say?"

Z-Dud: "Daddy, you happy?"

Me: "Yes, I'm happy."

Z-Dub: "You not mad?"

Me: "No, I'm not mad?"

Z-Dud: "I not mad either. I happy too."

broken bone(r)

I went into the bathroom to check on Z-Dub. He had been finishing up his shower and playing with his Little Einsteins figurines a couple of minutes earlier. I walked in, pulled back the curtain and found him carefully examining his errr...naughty bits. "what are you doing?" I inquired.

"My pee pee is broken," he proclaimed. "I need a new one."

With a bewildered tone I asked "Why is your pee pee broken?"

"It's not up anymore," he replied.

All I could think about was the fact that he's only two, almost three, and the "the talk" appears to be just around the corner.

toddler speak: tool edition

Last night Z-Dub and I were playing with his Bob the Builder tool bench:

Z-Dub: "Daddy, what's this?"

Me: "It's pliers."

Z-Dub: "No Daddy. It's a grabnabber."

Me: "A grabnabber!?!"

Z-Dub: "Yep, it's a grabnabber. It's for grabbing things."

Me: "I'll call the Home Depot and let them know."

naked saturday

This morning HotMomma had to work, so I was left with the boys. At 11 a.m. I decided to hop in the shower and get dressed for the day. I took The Deuce upstairs and put him in our bed. Z-Dub stayed downstairs to watch Max & Ruby. Everything was cool.

About three minutes into my shower I heard Chi-Lo barking uncontrollably and Z-Dub yelling. With haste, I hopped out of the shower and headed to top of the stairs. Right then I heard Z-Dub yell, "just a minute. I open door!"

"Holy crap," I thought. "He's actually trying to unlock and open the front door for a stranger."

I ran down the stairs to intervene. I made it just in time, removing his hand from the key in the deadbolt lock just as he unlocked it. Right after I realized that the exterminator was standing right there outside the window looking at me.

And I was naked.

Thanks Z-Dub.

the little brit

You'd think given the fact that he's around his Filipino grandparents everyday he'd pick up a bit of their accent. However, instead, for some reason unknown to us, Z-Dub started talking in some kind of British accent today. It's just weird. Perhaps he's been watching too much of that cartoon Charlie and Lola or maybe he's seen me watch too many of Dan's Ukulele videos. Or there is the slight possibility that he's possessed by some dead Brit. When he starts asking for crumpets and tea and yelling "oh bloody hell" I'll immediately call for an exorcism. I wonder if you can order one online? I'll check on Amazon. If not, maybe at Vatican.com or something.

of bad medicine, bad words and bad habits

Z-Dub has his first ear  infection in nearly eight months. After his chronic infections last year we were quite happy he went so long without one. His doctor prescribed him Clarithromycin for the first time and let me tell you, that crap tastes horrific. Tonight he was gagging after I gave him his teaspoon. I thought he was over-reacting, so I tried a little drop. I literally almost puked. It's NASTY. Unfortunately, he's got to take it two times a day for the next nine days. Poor guy. He's allergic to penicillin, and after last year's various antibiotic regimens, we have few options. I doubt the doctor will change his prescription.

Speaking of Z-Dub, for some reason he keeps calling the parrot character on The Deuce's bouncy a cock. Today he ran to tell me that The Deuce is "playing with his cock!" I keep yelling back, "it's a parrot, not a cock. Quit saying that."

And, speaking of The Deuce, he found his thumb. And now it's always in his mouth. Here's the photographic evidence:

Also, The Deuce is now stable enough for the Bumbo chair. As an extra precaution, notice the US Weekly Magazine used as back support. I finally found a use for HotMomma's celebrity gossip rags.

toddler speak: braniac edition

Z-Dub: "Daddy, the cadderpiller is medamorphophosis. He turn into a butterfly."

Me: "Huhhh!?!"

Come to find out, he learned it from a new Little Einsteins book that HotMomma bought him. I guess they are educational after all.

a monday mess

Last night Z-Dub's cousins were over. They played upstairs in his room before heading downstairs for dinner. Later, when we took Z-Dub up for his shower, we found his bathroom floor flooded. They had messed with the toilet and it overflowed. Believe me when I say mopping toilet water is no picnic.

Of course, I launched a full investigation, complete with a heated interrogation of Z-Dub. At first he blamed everyone but himself. Later, upon full examination of the evidence I figured it out and was able to coerce a confession out of the little culprit. Apparently his cousin and he decided to fill the commode with toilet paper and flush it. Obviously it couldn't handle the mass quantities of soggy paper.

He was charged, tried and convicted in the court of Daddy and sentenced to bed.

On a side note, when I arrived home I changed into one of my old t-shirts. Z-Dub asked what it said below the picture. I replied "don't spank the monkey." Later he told HotMomma "no spanking the monkey!!!" Then, even later, The Deuce spit up on my monkey shirt.

Yep, it was another interesting Monday night in our house.

wordless wednesday...but not really

Z-Dub Sings from VegasDad on Vimeo.

toddler speak: morning drive edition

It's amazing what comes out a two-year-old's mouth. This morning, during our short commute, Z-Dub was just yapping away. I couldn't help but to laugh at what he had to say.

Z-Dub: "Daddy, you're driving to fast!"

Me: "No I'm not. I'm going to the speed limit?"

Z-Dub: "No Daddy. Slow down or you go time out." With finger up like he's scolding me.


About 30 seconds later...

Z-Dub: "Daddy, why you drive so slow?"

Z-Dub: "What's that noise. Daddy, you farted?"

Me: "No, that's just the sound of the bus."

Z-Dub: "Poo poo is going to come out now."

Me: "I didn't fart. It was the bus."

Z-Dub: "No Daddy. You farted. You going to poo poo. You go poo poo in the toilet or no candy for  you."

food thief

Z-Dub is always stealing food off my plate. Even when he has the same exact food on his plate, he's more interested in mine than his. To keep his little fingers out of my food, lately I've employed a new strategy focused on convincing him that his food is way better than mine.

I started telling Z-Dub that the food on my plate is poop. Yep, poop. Even if it looks like his, smells like his, and I'm eating it, I still tell him its poop and its yucky.

"Ewwwwhhhh! Daddy's eating poop," he yells out.

But lately this new strategy has started to fail me, especially since he'll eat basically anything.

I think I'll have to explore an even newer strategy. Perhaps something more simple. 

Maybe not sitting next to him at the table will be the best way to deal with his food thievery.

pee, poo, milk, web traffic and snow

We're still struggling with potty training Z-Dub. He's two years and nine months old and he has absolutely no interest in using the porcelain thrown. He made that clear the other night as I was getting him ready for his shower.

Me: "Z-Dub, do you want to try and go pee pee or poo poo on the potty before your shower?"

Z-Dub: "No Daddy. I too little."

Me: "What do you mean you're too little? You're a big brother now."

Z-Dub: "No. Mommy go on the potty. Daddy go on the potty. [Z-Dub] too little."

I guess we'll have to wait until he's "bigger" before he finally decides to answer nature's call in a toilet.

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We have a mini refrigerator in our master bedroom. This is because it's incredibly dry here in the desert and we're thirsty a lot. It's a pain in the butt to go down stairs to get water in the middle of the night, so the refrigerator provides easy access to bottled water. We also keep a sippy cup of milk in there at night, just in case Z-Dub wakes up thirsty. Last night he did just that, except he decided that rather than waking us up he'd quietly wander out of his room and into ours, open the refrigerator, grab his milk, close the refrigerator door and head off back to bed. That was such a "big boy" thing to do.

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Finally, thanks to my snowy Las Vegas pictures this blog broke a traffic record yesterday. I got more hits on this blog by noon yesterday than I get for an entire week. This was all because of Google searches for "Vegas snow pictures." I checked and we were listed first in search results. Cool!

And speaking of snow, although much of it has melted in the Valley, our neighborhood in the foothills above Vegas is still covered in a thick white blanket of snow. I guess it's going to stick around for a few days for us.

superman!!!

HotMomma visited her parents with the kids yesterday and this was the highlight.

Z-Dub, while holding up his fist in the air: "I'm Superman!!!!"

HotMomma: "Wow, you're Superman. What's your brother?"

Z-Dub: "SuperZ-Jay!!!"

HotMomma: "And what about Sukita (cousin)? Is she Supergirl?"

Z-Dub: "No. She a princess."

HotMomma: "Oh. What about Grandma? Is she Supergrandma?"

Z-Dub: "No. She a witch."

Grandma: "Aye. I'm not a witch!!!"

Just remember Grandma - he said it, not us.

the lost mommy

Z-Dub hasn't quite grasped the concept of being a brother.

Z-Dub: "Daddy, where's Z-Jay's mommy?"

Me: "She's right here." (pointing at HotMomma)

Confused look on his face.

Z-Dub: "Mommy, Z-Jay lost his mommy."

HotMomma: "He did? Where did his mommy go?"

Z-Dub: "She's in the desert." (pointing out the car window) "Z-Jay's mommy is missing."

Many versions of this conversation have been repeated several times over the weekend and Z-Dub still doesn't get it. He refers to Z-Jay as his "baby brother" and cares for him deeply. He always wants to play with him (a little too much) and is concerned if he hears him cry. Despite that, he seems to think Z-Jay was delivered to us by some lost mommy.

adjusting

I feel refreshed. Really, I do. Z-Jay slept an astonishing six hours straight last night. It was awesome, especially after a couple of rough nights when we brought him home. Z-Dub is home from visiting his grandma, auntie and cousins too. Like a typical two-year-old, he hasn't quite grasped the need to be gentle when touching his little brother. He's always shoving toys into Z-Jay's face. "Here Z-Jay, here's a car for you," he says. Yesterday I took Z-Jay out of his bouncy chair for a feeding and found several Matchbox cars tucked under his arms. I love the fact that Z-Dub is so giving, but that was a little much. But, overall, he's adjusting very well in his new role as a big brother. We only had a couple of "time out" moments yesterday. He's also was recently educated about Santa and his gift giving criteria, so the threat of no Christmas presents seems to be a great motivator for good behavior as well.

Z-Jay's jaundice has had us a little worried. On Friday he seemed to turn more yellow. Luckily we had an appointment with the doc that day. They drew blood, which by the way is excruciating painful to watch, and sent it off to the lab to check his bilirubin levels. The number had risen since his phototherapy, but the doctor said it was still in the safe area. Z-Jay is going to be checked again on Monday, but this morning I think he looks a little less yellow. Perhaps the bilirubin level finally peaked and his jaundice is on the retreat. We're crossing our fingers.

Now we're working on getting a routine down. Yesterday it literally took us six hours to get ourselves ready for the day and out of the house. Of course, we all woke up after 9 a.m., including Z-Dub, so we had a late start. We didn't have breakfast until about 11 a.m., so I guess you would consider that brunch. It also seemed like every time we were close to ready Z-Jay would either need to eat or he'd poop. It wasn't that big of a deal as we really didn't have anything pressing to do, but we need to learn to get things moving a little better. I think part of it is HotMomma's adjustment to breastfeeding again. I feel sorry for her. Like she did with Z-Dub, she's having challenges. But she's committed to providing Z-Jay with the same important nutrients that Z-Dub got, so she's keeping it up.Hopefully it will get easier.

That's my update for now. Now we're going to enjoy Z-Jay's first Sunday.

arrrgggghhhh!!!

Yesterday evening Z-Dub was a swashbucklin', Lacoste wearing pirate. He kept talking in his pirate voice and singing "a pirate, a pirate, a pirate says arrrrggghh." The night before he was Spiderman.

I love his imagination.

gourmet poop?

HotMomma went out to dinner last night with her girlfriends to celebrate one of their birthdays, so Z-Dub and I were on our own for dinner. I took him to Jason's Deli, a family favorite. After we spent more than an hour there we headed out the door. On the way Z-Dub grabbed a bag of crackers from the salad bar. I guess he wanted a post-dinner snack to go.

Later, during our short drive home, he said, "Daddy, I'm gonna share crackers with Tallulah."*

"That's nice of you," I replied.

About a minute later he blurted out, "Tallulah eats dog food."

I didn't hear him well over the music playing on the radio, so I asked, "Tallulah eats dog food, really?"

"No Daddy! Tallulah eats dog poop."

Then I threw up a little in my mouth.

* Tallulah is the neighbor girl (not her real name).

where's fall?

Here in Las Vegas normally Halloween, and the week heading up to it, is quite cool. I remember several years where it was down right cold. Apparently this year "Global Warming" has kicked into high gear. Check out this 10-day forecast:

After a long, hot summer we were eager for fall temperatures. I'm tired of wearing shorts and sandals. I want to wear a comfy sweater.

I know...quit complaining.

Also, I can't frickin' believe I just posted about the weather. My kid better do something funny soon.

Oh, that reminds me. Z-Dub did shock me the other day when I accidently left the dog out in the front yard for nearly an hour. I was calling out her name as I searched the house when suddenly Z-Dub blurted out "Where's that f%#kin' dog!"

I would never say anything like that. Where'd he learn it?